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It is seldom that a Junior Commander has the opportunity to decorate one of his men for gallantry in the face of the enemy.
I however, had the honour to decorate an entire crew for their brave actions, in contact with the enemy, in East Timor.
On Monday, 20th March 2000 the crew of Army Barge 1063 were involved in the largest sea battle to be fought in East Timorese waters to this day. What ensued was a display of bold courage, audacity under fire and sheer daring the equal of any in history. Following is the after action report sent back to Boat Shed HQ by the seriously wounded Coxswain of the intrepid crew…..
On the afternoon of the 20th of March 2000, whilst deeply inserted somewhere near Uranus, AB 1063 was undertaking a task in support of the fine country of Jordan. This mission was for the replenishment of their men with urgent rations, and some fine beverages, so they could continue their quest of making peace, love and justice for all and worrying their poor souls if the cargo would make it there, or not.
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They knew AB1063 was en route and nothing on this God-given earth could stop the crew from carrying out their mission. Indeed, the crew of AB1063 will always live up to their motto 'If it's not there on time, we'll deliver the next load free of charge'. This cry can often be heard echoing around the enclave as the word had got around that the colt from Old Regret had got away…
Getting back to the real story of, let's call it the 'incident': how the hole really got into the hull of AB1063. On the afternoon of the 20th, picture in your mind's eye, the story explained in full colour, as I know you can being an old 'Skipper' yourself. Now put yourself in the Cogging Chair and join me on this eventful day.
The sun is burning brightly in the sky, not a cloud to be seen as you look over to see dolphins frolicking, happy to be free. The ocean is like a pane of glass, the best you've ever seen. You sit back in your chair and say to yourself, "Self, I am as happy as a three-legged man at an arse-kicking competition", and take another sip of your nice, hot, fresh brew. Then all of a sudden, there's a huge bang, you spill your coffee all over your balls (gee that hurt). You look up at your decky to see him pointing to the starboard side and yelling like a fu##ing mad man. Then you see it with your own two eyes and I'm telling you the truth; may God strike me dead right now if I'm lying (pause, look around). A bloody militia mini-submarine with its periscope, high above the water, bent in half with its flag flying all torn and battered from the impact with AB1063. My first reaction was to pursue this enemy sardine can, but my orders are that we are only to be used for logistical purposes. As I didn't want to disrupt the grand plans of the mighty United Nations, I allowed the sub to escape it's fate - a fate worse than death. You already know the remaining story, so if I could leave it to you to inform the higher to be's, the General, the Prime Minister and the Lads - it would be much appreciated by me.
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By the way, the reason why that other silly rumour got around, about hitting a rock, has been discovered. Later Int-Reps stated that the sub was discovered floating dead, out to sea, and you wouldn't believe it - the name, printed on the side, was 'Rocky'. So, we got the bastard in the end.
It was later confirmed that AB1063 had caused the destruction and sinking of the militia sub. As a cover story the UN fabricated a tale about the barge being damaged during a landing and denied all knowledge of the S.S. Rocky. CPL Couch (under the assumed name of CPL Wayne Kerr) and his fearless crew were formally recognised with the award of the Medal of The Very Brave (VB). This was a new honour sponsored by the fine men and women of Carlton United Brewery. CPL Couch was also awarded the UN Medal for Getting Hurt (GH) for the wounds he received to his groin. On Friday, 28th April 2000, I had the humbling honour of presenting these brave men with their intrepidly, outrageously earned medals.
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 CPL Couch receiving his VB. |
 AB1063 leaving the scene of her encounter with the S.S. Rocky |
 AB1063 approaching the US frigate McCain for an ammo and stick book resup |
